Friday, January 06, 2006
Help Me!
Yep. Posting again. Today. In the morning. Since I won't be able to sleep for at least another hour.
*sigh*
This sucks. But seriously. I need some help. I have had a couple of weigh-ins on this already, but I NEED YOU. To weigh in.
As you know, I am the luckiest 26 year old on the planet. I officially have no job, and no real need to get another one. Well, except for the continued harmony of my marriage. Harmony schmarmony. Right? Heh heh. No.
As many of you know, I have ADD (the disorder, not the math thing) when it comes to making big decisions in my life. I had hoped that by quitting my cozy secure comfortable job I would be forced into making my life into something. And now, 4 (5?) months have gone by, and nada. I have had some really great ideas for what to do with the rest of my life, but have yet to carry any of them out.
I am the type of person that comes up with the bestest idea ever and am 100% committed to it. For about 5 days. And those 5 days are intense. I come up with a reasoned explanation for why I suddenly want to be a counselor/author/vet tech/bartender. I woot woot about my newest decision, certain it is the best decision for me EVER! By the end of the 5 days, my idea has its own cheer, dance, and marching band. That is how crazy I get about it. (I don't really want to be a bartender, I just sometimes think that is all I will be left with when I reach the end of my rainbow of career ideas.)
But when the 5 days are over, watch out. I am plagued with fear, indecision, and a general sense of helplessness. Why can't I focus? Why don't I know what I want to do with the rest of my life? Why do I have these huge crazy high expectations of myself? Now I know, I am not accomplishing much in my current state. That is because I am paralyzed with the fear of making the wrong decision. This is also a very dangerous state to be in when you are one of the world's best procrastinators.
So I have all of these icky icky feelings spinning about in my head. And I feel like I am losing ground? myself? opportunity? the more that time passes.
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
GGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Okay, so even if you don't post a comment, please call me. Tell me something. I am not asking you to solve my problems. But sometimes someone else's perspective helps put you in perspective. You know? And I will try to write what you say down on a piece of paper. Whether I choose to reference said paper later on will depend on what you have to say. Hah! But don't let that keep you from talking to me about this.
2 Comments:
[You left a long, almost-a-post comment on my blog. We're gonna call this revenge. Except it's a good thing. So not revenge. Not really.]
Oh, my poor dear. I was there a few months ago, and I know the pain. I know the one thing that made me feel better (when I could finally believe it) was this: Your life will change at some point, so remember this decision isn't forever. It's not much help when you're considering sinking money, time, and effort into grad school or career training of some kind, but that's all I've got. You have a lot of life left before you so try something out.
I feel like the vet tech job might be awesome for you, but at the same time, I'm sure it can seem like drudgery after a while just to hold the 800th cat down while the vet feels its belly or whatever.
The whole counseling thing can be emotionally draining and it can seem like drudgery to listen to people go on and on about their lives and never follow your advice. I actually did what my therapist said to do and I think I could have knocked him over with feather when I told him that.
Your posts are hilarious and interesting, so the author route sounds fabulous except for the whole "having to be disciplined to write" part of it. I don't think I could do it. If you love it enough then GO FOR IT. I'll totally read your stuff AND bug people on planes with it, too.
So I guess that leaves bartending. Hey, I'd get drunk with you. Endorsement enough. TA-DA - you have a career!
So, I don't know you at all, and don't really have much to say that would help you make a career decision. BUT, I wanted to say - I hear ya! I'm in the same decision-making boat and can totally relate to your decision ADD. What I'm working on lately is, TRUST YOUR GUT! I think, perhaps, deep down inside we know what we want but lack the confidence, bravado, and commitment to go through with it. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best.
If you are thinking about writing, it seems that is something you could work on in secret, while doing something else to earn money, and when you get a great piece, break into the market!
p.s. sometimes asking too many people for advise just makes everything more confusing. So, stick to the people you trust the most and who know you the best.
Post a Comment
< < Return to the homepage