Thursday, September 29, 2005

Kids, Don't Try This At Home

or: The Accidental Pyro
or: Why I Never Cook

So, last night I tried to burn my house down. Yep. Call it the 2a.m. crazies.

Background: My husband cooks with the oven, but instead of using pans, he just throws meat in there. Yeah, I know. Apparently this is one part of housebreaking that I missed with him. Anyway, after he is finished he turns the oven onto the clean cycle.

So last night, after he was safely tucked into bed, I was examining the oven during it's clean cycle, and I noticed that there was a latch labeled "to clean." I engage this latch.

Let me just share some things with you right now. I am a believer, I believe that the Lord is an active part of my life, and He works through me, around me, wherever to let me know that He is with me. Last night was just a re-affirmation of my faith.

I clearly remember standing in the darkened kitchen (post latching the oven) and wondering why I was still so awake. I tend to go to bed late, but usually 1a.m. late, not 2a.m. late. I also remember shrugging and sitting down at the computer to play some games to help lull me to sleepy-land.

The next time I looked up I noticed that it seemed foggy in our house. Weird. So I go into the kitchen to examine what is going on. Lo, our oven was smoking copiously. Of course I immediately go into panic mode, and in panic mode I tend to block out common sense voices and such that let me know I should not be trusted in an emergency situation.

So, I get some water and pour it down one of the grates (door wouldn't open). Later, after rousing my husband from bed he pointed out the major things that were not smart about my actions. 1. Water tends to make a GREASE fire worse, (duh) and 2. I had poured water down one of the grates on our ELECTRIC range (duh).

Okay, and one other thing. I always pshawed about smoke, and thought that people who were overwhelmed by smoke were sissies. I mean, its just smoke, right? Get out and stop your crying. Well, last night I learned my lesson the hard way. Smoke is debilitating. You can't breathe, you can't see because your eyes hurt so bad. Your stupid instincts take over, making you cough and your eyes water, neither helping the situation any. It is a terrifying situation. I will no longer pshaw smoke.

Just so you know, everyone here is fine. I did have the common sense to corral all of the animals into our bedroom, which was the furthest away from the smoke. Right now, the house still stinks, but most of the smoke has been ventilated out.


Thursday, September 15, 2005

Beefcakes & Barbies

A.K.A-Bally's. But I will refer to them as B&B's, as it is more fun that way.

So, I joined B&B's to be able to swim. So far, so good.

But, I just wanted to say, I am the lone Troll doll among the Beefcakes & Barbies membership/staff. It is a peculiar feeling, and not very good. But seeing that I am a grown up (supposedly), I am fighting these feelings and getting on with my bad self.

Also, for those of us who had the excruciating pleasure of changing into or out of a swim suit in high school gym, B&B's is the place to go to relive those memories. The locker rooms are EXACTLY the same. Even the blood rushing to your face and turning your cheeks red is there! It is amazing! It was like they asked every gym teacher ever how to make this place as humiliating as possible. The lockers are right in front of a huge mirror, just in case you weren't shamed enough by your body. Right next to this mirror are the scales, for those with a really brave heart. Then there is the smell, and there is also a strange humidity in the air, which guarantees you a hard time when you are trying to change back into jeans. Of course, if you are like me, you already have a hard time getting them on because your entire body is soaked in fear-sweat, and now your time in the changing room is reminiscent of Ross trying to pull up his leather pants on Friends. The lengths that one will go to to avoid being seen.

But, I am also a clever girl. I invented a technique in high school to avoid unduly exposing myself while changing. It is called "The Towel Dance." "TTD" goes something like this: Grip towel in teeth about halfway down the length of it, so that each side hangs down. This provides pretty good coverage, while freeing up your hands to put on your clothes. It gets a little tricky once you get to the tee-shirt, but once you practice enough you won't have any problems. It is also helpful to face your un-toweled side towards the lockers. I find that lockers are very non-judgemental about your naked heiny.

So take that B&B's!

My Next to Last Day

Yes, I am quitting my job tomorrow. I have held this job for a good portion of my life. On one hand, it is hard for me to think that I will not be coming into the office anymore after tomorrow. On the other hand, my heart has realized that I am not coming into the office anymore after tomorrow, and so I can't waste time working when I need to strengthen friendships that I have made here in my last moments. (Hey Dad, does the sound good to you?) Oh, and apparently I also need to strengthen my blog. (Quit nodding.)

So. At some point when I am feeling maudlin, I will reminisce about my experiences at my good old job. Right now I am too happy, and too damn fed up to bother. Also, I am having too good of a time letting Jr. bat for me to re-engage into the office world. So who would Jr. be? She is our new marketing person. I am going to post this blog, and give her the address so she can read all about it. And then she might actually put me out of my misery and save certain people the trouble of throwing me a going away party.

Wouldn't that be fun?


b.o.b.:b.o.b. presents the adventures of bobby ray
Containing this year's summer song: nothin' but you.

gorillaz:plastic beach
It's gorillaz. Need I say more?


Books of Booky Past: these are books that I have recently (or not so recently) read, and recommend.

the plain truth: jodi picoult
This book provided a wealth of information about the Amish community. It was wonderful.

the time traveler's wife: audrey niffenegger (sp?)
This book is like the movie Serendipity. Wow! the first time around, still pretty great for consequent readings.

Present Booky Books: do I really need to explain what this is?

dragon haven: robin hobb
Yeah, it's fantasy. So is Edward Cullen.

Books of the Future: Oooooo!



Every guilty pleasure song brought back to you! (Plus dancing!)

so you think you can dance
Nah nah nah nah so you think you can dance dance dance dance. Put me on the hot tamale train!

the office
Ah Steve Carrell.

10 things i hate about you
I love this movie. Plus, what's not to like about Julia Stiles?


mean girls
Okay, I know, I know. Lindsay Lohan is a skank. But she wasn't when this movie came out. At least not in public.

drop dead gorgeous
This movie is absolutely hysterical.